No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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