so explain again why im purple
no
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
