1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
