My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
