he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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