i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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