I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
