We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
