Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
