Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize