Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
