Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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