U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
