Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Pants are for mortals
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
