I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
