a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
