You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
