Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
