I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
