Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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