The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
