theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
