i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
