I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
