nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
