booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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