It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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