I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
