its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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