I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
