What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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