I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
