i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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