She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
