the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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