Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
