I didn't shave. On purpose
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
