Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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