He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize