The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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