God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
