I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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