I wish I could teleport
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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