Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She's the barista slut.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
