Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
