i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
