Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No subtext here. People are naked.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
