Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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