we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
