just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
