You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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