I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
