I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
