dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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