Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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