Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
this hospital has no fireball
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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