I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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