It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
