she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
