it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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