is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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