And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The air was thick with penises
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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