Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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