I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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