Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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