The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
