I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
